Ah shit, here we go again...

 Well, here we go again trying to revive the blog and keep it active........ at 4;09am. If only I was this smart when it came to... well a lot of things. You know you dumb when you can't even joke about it. Well, either way, let's try it again. I got my laptop fixed since we met last year and I had a few ups and downs. Dated a few, nothing serious and parted on good terms. But the problem arises again. My god I'm getting older. I just had to read my old blogs to see how the story progresses. But yeah, Jenny is back on my mind again. Not sure if it's just a crush or something more, or even just nostalgia. I do miss her friendship quite a bit. I've never called anyone my best friend since her, so obviously she's the absolute cream of the crop. But what is the situation now? It's a different time and we're both no more the kids playing in our front yards. Hello there, my 69 fans (yeah, i just checked, funnily enough there's exactly 69 views on my last post and if you know me in real life, you know how much I'm internally struggling to not make a joke), my name is Josh and let's dive in.

Alright so it started about 2-ish months ago, or a few weeks, I don't know. Not too good with keeping track of time. I was with my girlfriend and things weren't going as smoothly as I'd like. Nothing wrong with the relationship, it just felt like the spark was gone. Both of us knew it but still went on for a while. Eventually I called it off and... she was fine with it. I'm not trying to toot my own horn but this lady was the least affected any of my exes has ever been after a breakup. It's actually quite refreshing. We are still friends and who knows maybe you're reading this blog too. I didn't give you a fake name because you ain't gonna make another appearance here anyways. Back to the point, I was now officially single and I had no moral principles stopping me from thinking about Jennifer again. For the past few months, random things have been reminding me of her. Sometimes, it's a billboard with a random person's face that "oddly" looks like her, other times it's her name painted, printed, written in any public space. It's not a lot, but it has been very suspicious. My exes have, uh, let's say a way of coming back to bite me in the ass. Metaphorically, of course. I don't let them do it even when they try. So, yeah, poor little Josh has been struggling with this confusion of what the quack is the future gearing up for. I can almost see the montage of a man gearing up for war while his enemy is unaware.

Well, I figured I oughta strike first, right? Show future that I'm prepared. Break its morale? Well, that strike accomplished nothing. As many of you have known since this update was released, I found out on.... Hang on, lemme check my phone., 19 days ago, you can only send one message to a stranger on Instagram and that's it. They have to accept the message invite for you to send any more messages. Now, I know that I've texted her before on IG but I kind of lost my original account and had to make a new one. Story for a different time. But yeah, I knew i had to make this one count because I only got one chance. I wrote the most elaborate essay that my intoxicated ass could write at 5:30am, I wrote it clearly and plainly that I mean her no harm. I simply wanna talk about everything that went down with us because, FUN FACT. I realized AFTER THIS RECENT BREAKUP that what I actually need to heal this Jenny sized wound is to just listen to her. I had closed off this chapter without hearing her side because she just wouldn't talk to me, despite her being the only reason for me to make fake IG id's just to talk to her once she blocked the previous one. (Yeah, she didn't know that I just wanted to talk and I know i came off as creepy. Besides, I had my fun with those profiles...) I just couldn't get her to tell me her side and I couldn't wait for her to finally give in. I was a kid who's life was on hold for 4 years only because she disrupted every single thought I had. I needed to move on from her to move on with my life. I was about to start college and I knew I can't have this shit sandbagging me my entire life. So, I had no choice but to call off the efforts and stop harassing her which is what it was even if I didn't "intend" to. It's still wrong. 

But, this time it's different. The vision is much clearer. I understand why I need to hear her side while not letting this take up all my mind. I understand just how important it is to me to hear it from her first hand. And, maybe I'm delusional but I think she needs it just as much as I do. I remember damn well just how truly intertwined our lives were. And I know she remembers our first and only real kiss, and I hope I'm right because it may have been an accident but it still had a huge impact on me. Looking back, maybe that was the moment that the first initial seeds were sown in my mind... I don't know, man. I'll keep you guys updated on this. 

Now, I just finished reading the previous posts. And I don't want to rewrite them or edit them. So, for new readers, all you need to know is that in "And the suffering begins", none of them went to different countries and I'm still in the same country and so are they. Just different cities, and no one was invited to any party or anything. Just that Maggie found out that I grew up with Jenny and one thing led to another and I told her that I had texted Jenny and she didn't reply back. Relate this to the wedding/reunion thing and you're good to go. Also, my second attack was not that. It was the, hold on, lemme check my notes. So many, even I can't keep track of this shit. Alright, consulted my trusty list and I'm back with information... and I forgot. One sec. Right, it was the 4th. Now, I realize I should specify something. I've only been to the doctor for these attacks TWICE ever. So, I can only claim two of them to be heart attacks without a shadow of a doubt. Others, they just felt the exact same way so I assumed. Sue me. The first one, and the fourth one. The total number is five, you guys. Hugsy knows about this, I told him after the first time we went out together to grab a bite. Although Satan's Mistress was there but I'd rather not talk about her. She may have caused a LOT LOT of damage in just two weeks but nothing left a long lasting impact. She was merely a tiny bump on the road (pun intended because she claims she got a breast reduction surgery), and don't believe her when she denies it. She lies a lot. Anyways, it's very easily possible that I've only had 2 and the rest were panic attacks. So, chill dudes, I don't let this stop me from enjoying life and I don't let it define me. So, I hope that, after reading all these posts, that people don't think any differently of me. And, I don't care for all the random strangers online, I mean you boys, Hugsy, Blossoms, maybe even Hyuna (sorry, don't know any of the K-pop guys you like and I couldn't think of any other alias. You know who you are, I hope actually, I think the names are pretty accurate and when you guys read you'll know who you are. Hugsy is pretty on the dot. But yeah.) Although, might not tell Hyuna about this. She could tell it to her roommate, crap. I mean like I'm cursing, not naming her crap. I got to think of a good name, something golden retriever-esque. We'll call her Goldy, not after a dog name, but the inspiration is Goldilocks. Anyways, she could tell Goldy, and it's not like I'm not close to her, I personally adore that little angel. But, I don't think it'll do any good to anyone if she knows. She's anyways always stressed because of her girlfriend, Carol. She's just a grade-A, purebred, (I'd say inbred but I hear her parents are delightful) BITCH. So, Hyuna, if you end up reading this, it's up to you to decide if you wanna tell her. I can't decide, I can see reasons for both the sides so the burden of making the decision is up to you. Get well soon, btw and good luck on the report on Thursday. Yes, I included the report thing as a snarky remark but I do mean it. Good luck and lemme know if you need anything. 

As for you all, the mindless army of the undead online, thanks for reading and don't take it to heart. My thing is done, I wrote what I wanted to. I couldn't care less what you do with this. Have a fun day. Au revoir. 

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P.S.,,,, I just saw Jenny's latest IG post and it is obvious, she's had a glow-down....