4:45am Couch Thoughts of a Virgin

 Another day, another shit. As we go into this late night of adventures, a.k.a. computer games, I need to get something off my chest. Shit, I forgot what I wanted to say. Right, here it is. I am not a nice guy. I've hurt people, I've caused harm, I've injured some. And, it pains me that I did. I can forget certain memories on command and it does take a toll on me. But I suppose, my comeuppance for all these sins is that I shall remember them till the day I die... Update, I'm no more at my house and it's almost 4:40am. As I was saying, I'm not a nice guy. I never was, nor will I ever will be. Because, frankly it's impossible. No one's a nice person of their own accord. Because 'nice' doesn't fill stomachs, 'nice' doesn't fill pockets. As long as there are assholes near me, I must be a nice guy because if not me, then who?



Getting back to the topic, it's been a while since I've written something. I used to love writing but now it just feels like a chore. Wonder where the days went. I once wrote, on a whim, a poem called A Brick in the Oven. It was just some goofy stuff but I have to say, I do like it a lot. Maybe I'll post it here, let's see. 


Do you ever wonder what it must be like to have everything you ever wanted? Ever wondered what could go wrong there? I am right now while I sit here in this skirt, and the results are catastrophic. My goodness they're horrible. Because if I got everything I wanted then there would be no purpose to my life. My life would be fulfilled. It would be complete and I would literally have everything I ever could want. Sounds amazing? No, for at that moment, there will be no point to my existence. There will be no reason for me to live or even survive. I will merely be a burden on this planet. Now, I don't care about all that but what scares me the most is that I'll lose the hunger for life. I'll lose the will to live. And the last time that happened, it was the most horrible time of my life. So, perhaps I should be content with what I have while craving for more. Seems like the perfect balance... For in the end, life is all about balance...

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