Love, Smile and Everything Worthwhile

 Love is, in my opinion, the best feeling in the world. I talked to a friend today and she is taking a break from all this. But I couldn't help asking her why and trying to persuade her. I hope I didn't try too hard, it is her life afterall. But the fact that we have corrupted the single most powerful emotion that man can feel and made it a legitimate phobia is something that deeply offends me. By a show of hands, how many of you don't want to fall in love because it just hurts too damn much? See, so many of you raised your hands. Heck, I remember the first time I fell in love. It was magical, I cried everyday and that hurt like hell. I was pretty much dead inside and numb on the outside, causing chaos, trying to end myself, getting into fights, giving up on life to just end up marrying my girlfriend who was 7 years older than me and I had no feelings for her, being pretty much high all the time just to avoid the pain. And it was perhaps the darkest time of my life. Now, I'm sure my experience was probably not as bad as many others, but I still want to love and be loved. A wise fictional therapist once said to a soulless demon and made her cry, "It's better to love and lose than to never love at all." So for all the drunken meaningless nights, staring at the stars from the edge of the roof, not having the guts to roll over and fall but wishing to slip 'accidently', I can find nothing more meaningful than that in my life right now. For all the pain in my chest that made me a shell of a man, I can find nothing more fulfilling than that in my life right now. And for all the moments that I missed her, wished she was here and hoped she'll come back to me, I can't seem to find that craving for anything in my life right now.


So, smile for me, it's okay if you don't want to fall in love right now. I just hope that one day you do and I promise it'll be the best time of your life. Even if it doesn't work out, I know you are strong enough to pull yourself together, dust yourself off and be a better woman for having survived this experience. Because remember, it doesn't matter how many failed attempts you have at love, you only need to achieve it ONCE...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Inner Demons, Outer Sermons

Unbeknownst to him, the walls are closing in, He feels trapped, feels like a fool, He can't be the one to do this, it's not his burden, He feels like a maniac, changing the rule, He suffers and cries, makes his sorrow known, The rule that makes the world go around, He finds no solace, He tries with all his might, with his hands bound, Can't be what they need him to be, In the kingdom of pain, he offers kindness, For as a man, he is just a man, In the realm of darkness, Samael they call him, He isn't god, he can't be god, Bringing the light, to cure all the blindness, But they make him out to be, The messiah of the voiceless, they call him, An imposter, his complex out for all to see, As his heart grows heavier, he continues to love, It seems to him that all hope is lost, Continues to bring the faith, as if straight from above, For him to be new again, In a ball of energy, he seems forgiving, He can't heal, Appears to be eternal to those who worship him, Can'
Read more

Ah shit, here we go again...

 Well, here we go again trying to revive the blog and keep it active........ at 4;09am. If only I was this smart when it came to... well a lot of things. You know you dumb when you can't even joke about it. Well, either way, let's try it again. I got my laptop fixed since we met last year and I had a few ups and downs. Dated a few, nothing serious and parted on good terms. But the problem arises again. My god I'm getting older. I just had to read my old blogs to see how the story progresses. But yeah, Jenny is back on my mind again. Not sure if it's just a crush or something more, or even just nostalgia. I do miss her friendship quite a bit. I've never called anyone my best friend since her, so obviously she's the absolute cream of the crop. But what is the situation now? It's a different time and we're both no more the kids playing in our front yards. Hello there, my 69 fans (yeah, i just checked, funnily enough there's exactly 69 views on my last p
Read more

The Heart is an Arrow, It Demands Aim to Land True

 The problem seems clear now, evidently. I need love to enrich me and lift me up. That's what it took last time I went down this rabbit hole. This time it seems easier but still quite a daunting task. The Cerberus is staring me down and I refuse to look away. The three-pronged guardian of peace stands in my way of becoming the harbinger of doom upon the savage land of the Judas in my mind. Gratitude, that is what I feel towards this beast. Doomed to guard the dark for eternity yet rears its ugly heads as a symbol of chaos to come. It isn't much but it provided me with enough to know where to begin and what to strive towards. I have been feeling recently as if I'm lacking purpose, reason. Maybe I have no purpose or maybe my purpose is to forever be in chase of what I WANT my purpose to be. And I refuse to believe that I was put here for no reason, just to twiddle my thumbs and pick my nose, metaphorically ofcourse.  Love liberated me, enchanted me, engulfed me and I succumbe
Read more