Something On My Mind 2.0 - It's Back With A Vengeance

 Well, I've made a new friend this month. She seems quite nice and harmless, and ofcourse, we all know harmless is which sense. I don't know if she'll be making more appearances here but for the sake of this blog, let's give her a name. Nancy seems like a good fit. So Nancy and I have been chatting lately, and by lately I mean this last month, about the common human behaviour that we notice throughout our days as people. Which translates to bitching about people. And she noticed I have a saviour complex, that I like to save people and help them, blah blah blah. Well, NANCY, you are right. But I never told you exactly why do I have a saviour complex. So, in this post, I will try to explain that as well as I can. And no, I'm not writing this because of you. I just feel a bit down lately and writing helps.

As a kid, yes we are starting at that age, a boy has no worries, no qualms, no bones to pick with anyone. But it is the process of 'turning into a man' that divides him from others. I'm sure we all have noticed this. After the identity crisis, there's so many things you see clearly. So many people who you finally see for what they truly are. In my case, I panicked. Hold up, lemme light up a cigarette. Alright, so the little boy Josh just panicked and clustered fucked his life and other people's lives too. You, Nancy, know about the people who have fucked me over. I think it's about time you find out everyone I've fucked over. Yes, Joshie is in a serious mood tonight. It wouldn't be far fetched to say I've ruined lives. Really, ask the people from my past life, they'll agree. I have mentioned this before on this page but well what's the harm in living the horrible regrets of my life, right? Either way, the way I behaved back when I was going through my identity crisis, left many people in stitches, some literally. Others have a Josh shaped scar on her psyche for the remainder of their lives. Ofcourse, we have to start with Jenny. Ms Drew, Jenny is the pseudonym for the first girl I ever loved. I recently broke up with my girlfriend in July I believe. Could've been August. But afterwards, I could no longer deny it. I'd been thinking of her for a while. And there were signs of all sorts. Like I'd see her name on some billboard or worse, see someone who looks like her. So what I did, as any sensible man would do, I contacted Amy, the common bff we had. The one we both ghosted because we thought she's closer to the other one. I called her and told her what was going on in my head and we came up with a plan that she could contact her and tell her to talk to me. I wasn't too excited about this because I like to deal with my problems by myself. But anyways, she talked to her and got back to me. Now, I am not in love with Jenny anymore but I can't treat her like a stranger, I can't negate all the things we've been through, the things we've put each other through. And I believe that closure can only come if I can hear her side of things. I've only ever heard of her side from third parties. But she replied with "I have a boyfriend". Now, Amy might not have caught it, but if there's a semblance of the girl I used to know, then she just never wants to hear my name again. She wants to completely wipe me off from her brain forever like I never existed. And she isn't the only one.

I'd mention others but this crackhead Nancy just wouldn't let me continue this train of thought so... to be continued?