Me vs. The World or is it The World vs. Me...

 Sometimes it just seems everybody only wants to patronize me. But it's just me, I'm just being me. But it feels like the world has a vendetta against me. Well, bring it on with all you got. Because after all the ones before you who tried, to quote Elton John, I'm still standing. And stronger than ever. So if you succeed, Godspeed. But you better make sure to finish the job if you shoot your shot. Because I won't exact vengeance but rather my mere existence would be a curse upon you. This isn't arrogance, simply the faith I've put in myself because it doesn't seem like people are lining up really to put their faith in me. I try to be a good person whenever I can. I try to do right by people whenever I can. But as of late, it feels like I'm doing something wrong. There is something fundamentally wrong with my way of thinking that's stopping me from achieving happiness. Perhaps it might be time for a heel turn. I do not know how I feel about it. It's not me. It's very unlike me to act in a heelish way and yes, I mean heelish. It's a wrestling term, meaning when a character turns to the dark side. Generally, it is preceded with adversity that finally break the character and bring out the whole dark side that we all have and just choose not to indulge. There comes a time in everyone's life where fitting heel isn't just appealing but rather necessary, though they seldom realise it. For to learn from your mistakes, you must feel a different kind of guilt and remorse than the one good people feel. Maybe it's time I felt that difference and who knows what it could reveal about me and maybe I may never come back from it. Perhaps, I stay in that realm and die there...

I have said this countless times, that there isn't much time left in this mortal body to keep isolating this soul from the fabric of the universe. And thus, there's a high chance that I die in the shadows, just another wannabe cynic who achieved nothing except complaining about his life and the way civilization is a cancer upon mankind. I do not fear death, and I suspect I would welcome the familiar feeling when it knocks on my door, but the possibility of succumbing to the monstrous nature and closing the chapter of my earthly existence in there seems wrong somehow. I guess it wouldn't be a true heel turn if it didn't. I have a feeling that doing so would be quite a challenge. There's almost a negligible likelihood of me turning my back on the kindness and positivity of mankind. But the possibility is only negligible until it isn't and it eventually becomes undeniable. I can only hope that when the time comes to journey back, that I return with enough of my conscience untainted by the horrors of my past and the terrors of my future.