Consequences Should Have Actions, Right?

The internal consequence of our actions is the easier part because the external consequences are much to bear. For you to be able to assess how much to do for the fuck up that you bring down on the poor sap in front of you is somehow a forgotten skill. The more I meet the world, the more I sense the illusion falling apart. And when I say the illusion I do not refer to my own idea of the society. No, I see humanity tugging on the curtains of the stage as it slowly but surely gives way for the sunshine of reality to blind our pupils while we awe at our own destruction glorified by the existence that holds no meanings in any plane of existence, except in our conscience. It is a nightmare dressed like a daydream, no doubt about it. The more I see the humans on this earth struggling and suffer the length of their self-made miserable life, the more I feel the pain that they unleash on the world. Because I am their medium, they seem to unleash the wrath on their race via the person who is no authority to be making any judgements on them and thus gets ensnared in the trap and has to suffer for the sins of others while he wallows at his own mistakes. To be the harbinger of misery, one must be capable of breaking without falling apart. It seems to me that this is what I have somehow mastered. For, no other scheme in the miniscule existence where I occupy space seems to explain the happenings and it makes me wonder. The more I exist, there seems to be a discrepancy on my part. Maybe it is the fact that I call myself a nice guy and say "Nice guys finish last" while it could very well be true that I am simply too desperate for something that I can not achieve on my own, so I leach onto the others that surround me. For them, perhaps I could be a leach in this world, I can see my guilty conscience just knocking on the door, eager to bring down the righteous judgement and give me a fair trial for all my sins. On the other hand, it could be a possibility that I am somehow just the right amount of unlucky to be at the right place at the wrong time. 

As I write this while being somewhat drunk, I can't expect my words to make complete sense. But I do however know that I am unlucky enough for a random fuck up to happen right now, at 2am. It seems possible because it happens to me. I have been that giving that I let people walk all over me. Maybe I am some selfish interests attached to, to put it eloquently, being there for them. Yes, I as a person doubt myself just as much as the next guy and yes, I just learned how to use italics in shortcuts using just the keyboard. Focus! The systematic oppression of all those who fuck up is staggeringly scary. The internal consequences of our actions, it's easy to deal with generally. But for you to analyse how much you gotta do to make it up to the one you hurt, that is something of a reincarnation of Atlantis at this point.