Why was I so confused? It's all so easy.

I understand the inner workings of society to some extent, I would say. I have transcended the paramount metrics of existence. The scales we use to judge every action and by extension every human. The eternal debate between two sides of the same coin, destined to forever be together yet doomed to never have any overlapping views. The Right v. The Wrong. We have achieved almost everything that we need for sustenance. Now it's just a quest for purpose, rather than survival. We created society, civilization, laws, government and all the crap to simply pass time. And we created the parameters for what is to be considered right and what is deemed wrong. Simply put, right is whatever is socially acceptable, no matter how barbaric, apartheidic, toxic, degrading, misogynistic, misandrous, or corrupt it may be. If the majority accepts it, it is RIGHT. I, however, don't care much for the segregation of facts into these two piles. No, I don't go around publicly defame the law and the

 As I grow older, dreams have begun haunting me again. I thought that that phase of my life was far gone but history has an uncanny habit of plagiarism. The dreams however, differ on a molecular level from the ones from the 'Dark Ages'. They used to be disturbing, scary, horrific, giri, sadistic and masochistic. The second coming has brought forth more desire driven dreams in this disoriented daze that we call sleep. It is ironic how these dreams keep me up. So many hours of the night have I wasted pondering over these delirious delusions. But perhaps that is my purpose, my sense of existence to finally be of some use to the society.  But then why am I reluctant to accept my destiny? What is it that makes a person play make belief even after they're an adult? I can't have my purpose be to lose sleep over hallucinations. I am not gonna go down as a nobody. I'm gonna leave my mark on the whole bloody world. When I grow up, j am gonna make sure people think twice befor

 Sometimes it just seems everybody only wants to patronize me. But it's just me, I'm just being me. But it feels like the world has a vendetta against me. Well, bring it on with all you got. Because after all the ones before you who tried, to quote Elton John, I'm still standing. And stronger than ever. So if you succeed, Godspeed. But you better make sure to finish the job if you shoot your shot. Because I won't exact vengeance but rather my mere existence would be a curse upon you. This isn't arrogance, simply the faith I've put in myself because it doesn't seem like people are lining up really to put their faith in me. I try to be a good person whenever I can. I try to do right by people whenever I can. But as of late, it feels like I'm doing something wrong. There is something fundamentally wrong with my way of thinking that's stopping me from achieving happiness. Perhaps it might be time for a heel turn. I do not know how I feel about it. It'

 Well, the last time we met, I met this cute girl and life was looking pretty good. But since then, things have ended between us. No, this isn't an Taylor Swift style post, I'm not going to bash her. Not here, not anywhere else either. But I can't help feeling hurt. It seemed like a long shot, yes and I did willingly bear the risks but it didn't work out not for the reasons that I was bracing myself for. It felt like I am not worth fighting for. It felt like I am not worth the efforts that one must put into any relationship to make it work. Because, while I was fighting for us, something that merely felt like a whisper of reality, she was busy fighting for herself. Maybe that is the way we are all wired internally. I choose not to believe it, but as I get older, I keep finding evidence of people just being cynical. And once enough people start to be cynical, it doesn't matter if the basis of that cynicism is a sham. It will be the new religion. Shaky basis with such

 Truly, it seems that the world is out to get me. Maybe I'm imagining the signs, maybe I'm hallucinating too much. But maybe, my days are numbered. Things have been happening lately that make me worried and concerned. Today, I dodged and barely avoided a road accident. I was driving my bike casually, like I always do and out of nowhere a truck cut in front of me and took the biker right in front of me with it. If I didn't brake on time and turn to the left, I would've been trampled. The truck driver evidently was trying to avoid hitting a dog, but there was no dog on the road...Creepy.  There was another incident recently too. I am not sure but I believe I was about to be mugged. I went out for a walk at night and was smoking a cigarette as a man pulled up and started asking for directions. This soon turned into him asking my qualifications? Of course, all I told him were lies. Anyways, he then out of nowhere grabbed my hand and I panicked. I pulled him to the side and

 A wise man once said ain't no rest for the wicked, but who are these wicked beings? Is it humans? It is the Homo Sapiens? The Neanderthals? Or it is not referring to beings, but rather systems? Perhaps civilization as we know it? As I continue to foster my recently acquired habit of reading, combined with my gullible impressionism, I am forced to ponder the cliched age old debate, Hobbs v. Rousseau. "Give us power, or everything is lost" v. "Give us liberty or everything is lost." And in my mind, this begs the question, what even is power? How do you put a measurement scale in such a bind that it can finally measure and assess power? If power is simply the semblance of control over an an individual, a group/community, events or situations, or even just simply emotions, then are any of us really powerful? Or are we merely influential? We put these impositions on reality to try and gain some semblance of control over our lives, but what happens when the Killer Ap

It could've gone better, It could've been good. It shouldn't have broken the structure that stood The strands of hope, tugged on by  turmoil, He didn't live the way he should. She felt lost, with no place to go,  Nowhere to run, legs running slow, Tired of pain, she stopped right there, Fought back, kicked it into high gear. She gave it all she had, she put her soul into it, She tried to let go of the trauma, tried hard to do it. But fate doesn't treat her right, so she needs to take flight, Like a black swan, flying gracefully into the night. All she did was take what he gave, Even when he would grossly misbehave. But she withstood it all, for she was brave, Braver than she knew, growing wiser by the day She goes on, hiding all the pain inside, No destination, no end in sight. Trying to make the best of what's left of her, She's becoming a warrior in disguise. War is not her strong suit, hatred is alien to her, With adrenaline gushing straight through her,

 When the sky falls, I'll be gone When doomsday calls, I'll be gone When the stars collide and boom goes the dynamite, When salvation arrives at my door, I'll be gone When cars begin to fly, I'll be gone When politicians don't lie, I'll be gone, When newborns don't cry, when governments die, With relief when the people all sigh, I'll be gone Gone will be by money, Gone will be my properties, Gone will be my accomplishments, Gone will be my priorities. When love comes a calling, I'll be gone. When destiny becomes appalling, I'll be gone When hope knocks on my door, when morality is on the floor, When pain gets you hauling, I'll be gone. When you call my name, I'll be gone When you feel no shame, I'll be gone. When you play no games, when you stay the same When you forget the fame, I'll be gone When chaos ensues, when violence breaks, When the world disintegrates, I'll be gone. When the elite stop doing whatever it takes , When

 To sit in school and think of you, wishing you were here, Classes just don't have the same appeal anymore to me, To sit here worrying about the future, it feels strange, With you as my past, feels like my future won't ever be complete. I am a stranger to you, not even a fly on the wall, I don't exist, I don't exist in your world at all. I can never enter or be in your mind, I could try, but you will never answer my call. I've lied, I've hurt, I caused a lot of pain, I struggle for most part to just stay sane. I made you suffer or atleast I think I did, I regret it every time I go down memory lane. Has my life been rough these past years, I don't know But you have a fun and joyful time wherever you go Then how am I the better person here, Despite having sunk so low a few years ago. I lie awake at night, thinking of what I have Planning for the future and reminiscing what I had Patience is my virtue, I am calm enough, I wish I could help you, replace all the

I remember the day, like it was yesterday, I remember it exactly, just the way it went down and I was on the ground, paralysed, terrified, unable to run away. Unable to move, to save you from harm, I was so close to you yet somehow so far. That day changed the foundation of who we are to each other, I became the lover from afar. From a distance I saw, the love, the pain, the games the things you went through, you'll never be the same. And I couldn't do anything to help you for how could I? You didn't even remember my name. But I remember you, I could never forget Never pretend to be strangers like we never met like we never fell for each other but the timing was off, It felt as if fate never wanted us to have it all. Yeah, we could've had it all, we could've been lovers, Could've been each others for all the summers. Could've been one for the rest of time, For the rest of eternity, I could've called you mine. Can I call you mine was the one thing in my h

 Is it too obvious that I am running out of ideas to talk about on this blog? Or did I hide it well? Anyways, back to the topic of Legislation of Morality. We left with the questions placed upon the credibility of the supposed arbitrary person or people chosen to decide the morals of the world. Who even would be qualified to be chosen? Could it be a reputed personality famous for their humanitarian deeds? Or should it be someone who lives a quiet life and would remain anonymous for obvious reasons? So, let's say we solve the problem of the said person or people being railroaded and suppressed by the masses by keeping them anonymous. This shall negate the idea of what will the court of public opinion rule on their fates. So, now that we have that system in place, we need to find a selection criteria to decide who gets to be a part of this elite force. Simply put, those who want to be a part of it the most are the least qualified to do so. Not because we want someone who hates to do

I suppose I can say that I am infected by the virus of hope. And it is not nearly as contagious as I'd like it to be. So, as I sit here, isolated from the outsiders, focused on all of these four walls, I was overcome by the oddest sensation. I feel safe here. I feel comfortable here. I feel calm here. And you know what? That thought scared the shit out of me. So I'll be right back from the washroom... Cool, now that I'm back, let's continue. Being confined to these walls, these walls that have become my sanctuary over the last 2 years, is a scary thought indeed. A lot of my memories, good, bad and the ugly, have taken place right here. But to be confined to these walls is the same as being confined anywhere. Perhaps I am exaggerating how scary the thoughts are but I can't deny that they shook me to my core. When the pandemic started, I never felt that scared because I had faith that it can't harm me. Sure, I took the basic precautions but they were mostly for th

 Well, I've made a new friend this month. She seems quite nice and harmless, and ofcourse, we all know harmless is which sense. I don't know if she'll be making more appearances here but for the sake of this blog, let's give her a name. Nancy seems like a good fit. So Nancy and I have been chatting lately, and by lately I mean this last month, about the common human behaviour that we notice throughout our days as people. Which translates to bitching about people. And she noticed I have a saviour complex, that I like to save people and help them, blah blah blah. Well, NANCY, you are right. But I never told you exactly why do I have a saviour complex. So, in this post, I will try to explain that as well as I can. And no, I'm not writing this because of you. I just feel a bit down lately and writing helps. As a kid, yes we are starting at that age, a boy has no worries, no qualms, no bones to pick with anyone. But it is the process of 'turning into a man' that

Got this idea from VCPR where they have a show called Pressing Issues with your host Maurice Chavez. So, we know what is good  and what is bad. What to do, and what not to do. But now how to be get the masses to conform to it? By legislating it and making it an actual law to be practiced rather than an advice . Now comes the problem of convincing the neo fascist politicians who can't leave the right wing even if they actually wanted to. On the other hand, we could gather the support of the leftists because, lately it feels like all they really care about is an authority figure to oppose. Or simply put, the only thing that they care about is the right wing. Ironic, isn't it? So, how can we manipulate this 'cold war' to our benefit? I'm sure we can, but what would be the best approach? Do we present it to the right wing extremists as another neo fascist ideology and fool them into doing our bidding, or are WE now the right wing extremists who are doing the exact same

 Love is, in my opinion , the best feeling in the world. I talked to a friend today and she is taking a break from all this. But I couldn't help asking her why and trying to persuade her. I hope I didn't try too hard, it is her life afterall. But the fact that we have corrupted the single most powerful emotion that man can feel and made it a legitimate phobia is something that deeply offends me. By a show of hands, how many of you don't want to fall in love because it just hurts too damn much? See, so many of you raised your hands. Heck, I remember the first time I fell in love. It was magical, I cried everyday and that hurt like hell. I was pretty much dead inside and numb on the outside, causing chaos, trying to end myself, getting into fights, giving up on life to just end up marrying my girlfriend who was 7 years older than me and I had no feelings for her, being pretty much high all the time just to avoid the pain. And it was perhaps the darkest time of my life. Now, I

 Some times in this world you end up in situations you never asked to be in, or you get caught off-guard and don't know what to do. Those are the moments that end up defining who you are as a person. That ends up being the way of life for some, only stepping up when fate forces them to. And eventually, they simply stop trying even despite the compulsion of fate. And the consequences of this are terrible. It makes a race full of yes men who will follow anyone who does the basic standard bare minimum.  A few days ago, this guy who I scarcely talk to told me that I'm a genius. A very good man that I helped him out so much simply by giving him advice when we talk... Now I struggle sometimes with accepting compliments because we all know what kind of a fucked up man child I used to be. The kind of stuck up cunt, pardon my French, I used to be and maybe still can become one if I stray from my path. But that hit me hard. I have done really amazing for this guy. Heck, I don't even

 In the beautiful candor of life, truth and honesty are paired well together with humility and civility to provide a fine dining experience, as we consume capitalism, wipe our mouths with democracy, squabble about the subcutaneous aspects of the evils of society, drink from a poisoned chalice and wash our hands with the blood and sweat of our ancestors.  Life's candor is unparalleled, it showcases the immenseness of the secrets of the universe the way they were meant to be seen. It is a beautiful sight, so enriching that one might never go hungry simply having laid eyes on it. It unlocks god mode of your life, it is the ultimate master code, grants you the creators access to the life. This in turn enables you to bring more candor into the existential plane and restart the whole cycle up again.  As I keep saying throughout my day, humanity's biggest achievement is simply existence. Our biggest achievement, believe it or not, is existence. Think about it, all of the gigantic feat

 This one is about the one that was a right place wrong time kinda gal. And, I'm not just including her here now because she told me recently that she read the blog. No, this is because it made me realize that if I can write a blog about some random girl who I was kinda interested in, then this lady here would be a novel. So, let's name her Happy Feet. Context is only for me and her. With her, it isn't a game of longevity, rather a game of intensity. What we had was flawed from the ground up. And the timings were way off. Neither or us was grown up enough mentally to be someone's lover. But it was quite poetic, now that I think about it. It was all online and in the pandemic era. We couldn't meet even if we wanted to yet we wouldn't let that stop us from being together. Perhaps that distance was the key factor there. If we could've got our hands on each other during that time, we might've barely made it out as a couple. If we survived in that state of th

 This post has been sponsored by men who struggle to understand women. What do women want? Like what do they REALLY want from us men? What is going on in their heads? How do they assess situations and problems? What makes them decide whether to keep talking to a guy or whether to ghost him? What is an Ick  ? How does it work? Who decides what is ick and what isn't? And what can we men do to be that most efficient partners so that a sweet beautiful girl would wanna date? Here's the thing, if you know the answer to any of these questions then comment on the post and tell me. My man, it is so difficult to understand women. And through no fault of their own. It's just we as a society have fucked up royally when it comes to treating our women right. Recently a couple of friends have started ghosting me because of some message I sent them. Well, I understand that there's a certain way they feel and that it is my fault. But I would've atleast expected a response from their

Well, so today is a sad and sorrowful day. It is my late dog's birthday. Her name was Miley. She was a golden Labrador Retriever. I still remember the day we got her. In fact there's a whole story build up of 15 years. Ever since I could talk, I have annoyed my mother with "I want a dog" rants. And she, being scared of them more than I realized at that point, kept refusing. And years and years of longing and begging and crying and whining finally culminated to one day when I asked my mother again. And this time, to my surprise, she said no. Well, after that day, I gave up asking. I'd just get my dog fever cured by the strays around my neighborhood. One day, it was late at night and I'm sitting on these stairs to a random closed shop with an adorable puppy in my arms and my mother came looking for me. I didn't have a phone back then so she couldn't have just called. And there she saw me with a puppy in my lap and another puppy some 10 feet from me. This